whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I hate all girls vehemently.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Randomize
