Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
