i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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