He is such a slut. More and more my type.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
