he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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