You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
