i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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