He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
