Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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