Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Randomize