you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
