A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
