Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
