paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize