I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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