I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
