When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
