thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
