If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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