Are we in a gay sports bar?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
