: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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