I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize