Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize