my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Still dying that you shit outside
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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