filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
