captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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