I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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