He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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