so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
