I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize