I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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