it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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