# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
