don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
