She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
