so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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