You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
NoShamevember. You game?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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