I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
