my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
my being single is dangerous.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
