So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
