chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
