I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Sext me about skeletons
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
