Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
