They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize