to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
