This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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