Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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