sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
the day after is always just damage control
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
