I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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