never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
