It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
