dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
