this boner is exhausting
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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