Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
