Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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