I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
