I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
