before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
