he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
