we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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