I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
