I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
