I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
