Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
