Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
