I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
