i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Randomize
