So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
