So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
there's paper in my vomit.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
