I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Hello my rib-scented angel!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
