Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm passing your future prison.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
