Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
